At night I either walk around strange places and controll doors, locks, windows and controling devices, or I sit in a kind of control station or main post and check people coming in, coming out and controlling devices – I wear blue clothes uniform style and am the last one in the pecking order, don’t know whether the picture of the low man of the totem pole is right.
Tonight I attended the official and public “lecture of accession” (Antrittsvorlesung – that is the official initial lecture the new installed keeper of the chair gives) of a friend. She’s a little older than me and de facto leading that institute for three years. There was no time for this act of initiation until now. The Dean delivered a terrible speech and she did well, despite some electronical flaws of the equipment. After all I think we should all learn to speak freely and we should never rely on these tools as beamers or picture flashing devices – it’s the word that counts: Grab your audience and shake it! She used the so called presentation-thingy by an acceptable and satisfying minimum.
(If it is not an outspoken lecture about art with pictures you have to see and analyse, but a “normal” lecture, I take off my glasses what makes me nearly blind and I listen, I do not want to see these presentation-sheets, I am there to hear! Few deliver. [It’s like at court: The Lady is blind!] Tonight my friend was acceptable, I know that she can be really good. Shortly before the start she acknowledged being very nervous: It was not about the scientific acceptance – which is no question – the whole gig was about social acceptance. She did well.)
At some point – at the obligatory reception afterwards – I thought about how many people in this room I know – and it was quite a lot. I thought about my role in this play. The word “Rollenkonflikt” popped up in my head. Yes I like “Zelig“.
But besides the chameleon and the play of hide-and-seek one has to take a stand and define.
I am mago. I learned to think, to read, and to write.
P.s. from 3rd of December
As I was told by the sociologist it is not a “Rollenkonflikt” but a “Status-Inkonsistenz” what would describe my situation best. Do not know whether “Status-Inkonsistenz” in the long run leads to “Status-Diarrhoe”, “Status-Konstipation” or “Logorhoe”.