He cans everything! No doubt!

Writing for money can be a little … well. Let us assume you hung around the university and studied something you can not earn money by. You learned to write, to take care for texts – and to pay the rent you write anything that is wanted by the large crowd of customers that gathers cheering in front of your bureau. In fact you text websites, flyers, advertisements, you got the idea.
It’s a good customer and as mark of distinction in a relatively small market
he uses the quality, the attitude of his services for his customers. And because you are good, you set the tone of his campaign – and you are proud of your work and can use the website as reference: There are a lot of writers out there, everybody can say he’d worked for a major brand, but you can show your text(s) on an actual, welldone website, for a good company, with attitude.

Oncomes Mr. Webdesigner.
Mr. Webdesigner cans writing too. Yes, no doubt. Because Mr. Webdesigner cans everything. And he knows what is important.
Important is Ranking.
Everybody needs SEO. (Mr. Webdesigner speaks always in acronyms: It’s professional, you know?) Search Engine Optimization means that you slap a “text” on the website which contains as much of the tagwords (“Schlagworte”) as possible. And because Mr. Webdesigner knows all and everything he knows the tagwords, no discussion here! So he grabs a text out of some publication – copyright is for the weak! – and gives it a makeover. The result is an unreadable dumbass stupidity that contains suuper tagwords in nearly every second line. It is of such a calibre, that even the marketing man realizes that something is going wrong here!
Asked about the quality and the possible results of his elaborate, Mr. Webdesigner says: “Awcomeon, nobody reads that shit!”

That’s content-based brand-building at its finest.


21 thoughts on “He cans everything! No doubt!

  1. It’s still unclear what shall happen. The chieftain has not yet moved …
    I would like Mr. Webdesigner to be banned onto an island, with a real powerful 286-DOS4-machine …

  2. Tom and Icy
    Tell Mr. Webdesigner … as I understood from some reading the title of the site and the title of the “under-site” that deals with a certain topic should hold certain words a robot collects. These words should be searchable and people should have used them beforehand for search. And it should make sense, and not be a random accumulation of words that “somehow belong there”.
    And as you say, its in the headers, not in the text on these sites.
    But Mr. Webdesigner cans everything. And he cans better, HA!
    I am not in a position to argue. And I will have four nightshifts in a row now …

  3. Or give him a computer that can’t connect to the internets.

    What an a$$. I understand that people want to save so they are tempted to get one guy who will do everything but that is wrong, wrong wrong.

    Is he at least a proper webdesigner?

    A similar sin is hiring an amateur just because he’s cheaper. Like a certain local (but very international) company who hired me to translate their web-texts. I still cringe when I see the result.

    Better do nothing at all.

  4. Austere
    The marketing man is new to the company. I guess he’s not too high in the pecking order. But you are right, he gets what he pays for. Very good German texts for example.


    You dipped into the cough syrup again?

    Old Knudsen
    You mean by writing words like midget horse sex I’d lure in peculiar people? Good to have you by my side, an expert on writing words like midget horse sex.
    By the way this blog should not be crawled by bots (I clicked the box for this) but it is found anyway. So much for boxlicking …

    “He who does nothing makes no mistakes”?
    That leads nowhere as you know. I am sure that you can translate very well: Oneself is always too critical with the own work, especially texts. There is always a feeling that it could be done better. And there is nearly always room for improvement. But at a certain point it has to be finished, full stop. And it must be left alone.
    The other thing is, as austere already mentioned, if one wants a professional on the job one has to pay a professional. If you pay less the possibility of not perfect work simply becomes bigger.

    Now Rusalka the goddamn bitch upstairs fires up her boomboom-machine, so I better prepare for my nightshift. Just eight hours tonight, last night were twelve and this gave me a nice taste of what is to come this weekend.
    The good neighbour listens to exactly the same crap for more than a year now. She seemingly owns just one cd. Some days ago I went up and asked her to turn down the volume a bit – I needed to phone and would like to understand the conversation. She shook her tits in my face, excused in some girly voice and turned it off. Half an hour later she plucked it in again and hammered on. Some remix of “electric chicken” or how that noise was called, I hated it even 25 years ago … aahh Rattengift her!

  5. I always hated those obvious SEO posts on blogs that I would be led to when looking for something. (No, not midget horse sex or rooster lovers.) What the hell is this supposed to do anyway? And the keywords that I’ve used to try and get hits to my site supposedly aren’t the most effective ones. I don’t get it!

  6. if its any consolation I’ve been having my text overwritten, deleted for the last 5 years.

    This year we outsourced something I do in a quarter of the money.

    Hence the “you get what you pay for”

  7. A guy walking down the street sees a woman with spectacular breasts and offers her $100 to let him bite them.

    “Are you nuts?” she scoffs.

    “What about for $1,000?” he asks.

    “Listen, you sick pig,” she says. “I’m not that kind of woman.”

    “You wouldn’t even do it for $10,000?” the man asks hopefully.

    “You’ll pay me $10,000 to bite my breasts?” she asks. “OK, let’s go over to that dark alley.”

    Once there she takes off her blouse, and the guy begins caressing her breasts, kissing them, and fondling them.

    “Hey, are you gonna bite them or what?” she huffs.

    “Nah,” he shrugs. “Too expensive.”

  8. USS Nimitz says:

    I hope she got the money upfront.:> Wouldn’t mind if someone propsed me such an offer. Just don’t tell the Mister. He’s not good at sharing.


  9. Mrs. Nimitz
    Glad to see that you resurfaced!

    I see what I’ll can do!

    Hopefully I’ll be able to post tomorrow, Monday … that’s when my weekend starts.

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