A Letter

Dear anonymous caller,

 first of all, congratulations that You found that number ; how I got and how I kept it, is a nice (and boring) tale, no need for tedious details here. I do not write this number on walls, and basically have a good idea to whom I gave it, I’m pretty much sure that You are not amongst the chosen few.
Well Nony-baby – You do not mind that I call You Nony-baby, do You ? Ah, come on bro, don’t spoil the fun ! – see Nony-Baby it is not a usual thing that I talk to strangers on the phone in the middle of the night. So You were really lucky to reach me last week. See I was damn tired and with all that illness around, it was a bit of a tense situation, I was un-concentrated – so I simply grabbed the phone without looking at the display ; and when there was nothing on Your end of the line – it was a bit of a let-down, to say the least. Not even a bit of heavy breathing. Right – the fact that You called again ten minutes later allows some hope for the future. There is room for improvement, and I have the feeling that You are the right person for this ! Yes – do show some ambition, and perfect being whatever You want to be : Just do it, Nony-Baby ! Become the sad sack that You are, to the fullest.
But as promising as our relation started, nothing lasts for ever.
You must be strong now, Nony-Baby.
See the second time You called, I simply did not answer. This could be understood as unsportsmanlike. But I really did not feel up to. And yes, Nony-Baby, normal people – You know : the others ; those who point with the naked finger at You, what do they know ? – realise after the fifth or sixth ringing that nobody is at home and stop. But You are no quitter, no way ! Because when Nony-Baby rings the phone, the bell tolls, the earth moves, no-one dares to ignore this, Wigallaweiha !
Just me.
But be assured Nony-Baby, it’s better You do not hear anything, because when You call again in the middle of the night, I will choose a more robust approach. I could be tempted to have  a bad conscience for a second or so – after all isn’t anonymous calling sooo enchanting old-fashioned ? Shouldn’t the last practitioners of this dying art be allowed to be protected, somehow, somewhere ? On Devil’s island perhaps ? Wisconsin or French Guyana, I don’t care. This may be questions worth to be discussed in a late evening talk-show by sociologists, media historians, and one or two ex-Nony-Babies.
So, to make a long story short : Call again in the middle of the night, preferably when I finally have fallen asleep, then be prepared to have Your eardrums burst, the ensuing bleeding will shrink Your already small brain a little more : the Thunderer will teach You. It was good enough for officers of the Titanic, so it’s good enough for me ; and You, Nony-Baby.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen


11 thoughts on “A Letter

  1. Sadly it’s probably a computer from a call centre ring you, Mr Mags. They ring more than one person at a time and the first poor sap who answers gets the hard sell…. everyone else gets the thrill of a silent phone call. Drives me nuts.

  2. I used to get endless junk robo-calls on my land line. I put a SIT clip at the beginning of the normal “leave a message” answering machine message and the robo-calls almost immediately dropped off to nil since those scum companies share a database. It is a Special Information Tone used by the telephone system here to indicate an out-of-service number. hehe

  3. I’m up and down like a frigging yo-yo with those pesky calls. Make a note of the number and type it in your search box on your computer and some explanatory information comes up or takes you to a forum where other people have had the same call. The silent ones are usually SMS text messages, if your phone isn’t enabled to receive them, you just get the silence, which is more preferable than listening to an advertisement about double glazing and green energy droning on in a toneless voice.

  4. Sadly not, MsScarlet, because I heard rustling before the connection was ended at the first call. At two other occasions I switched on the external speakers and heard also sounds. I am sure that it was / is a human. All in all the person called four times now. It’s ages since I received calls by companies or call centres. (Has to do with a change of the phone company.) “Cold sell” (I do not know whether it’s the correct name; or is it “cold calling” ?) is basically a crime, perpetrators will be shot.
    Call centres are forbidden to suppress their numbers, even if the number is wrong, there must be one. My special friend choose the “suppress”-option, what is shown on the display.

    That is the clever solution to the problem, handy LX !
    Sadly the answering machine starts only after 5 ring-tones minimum, so the machine alone is of no use, because after five rings I am standing next to the damn thing …

    I think that phone is not able to receive sms, Mitzi, or it is simply switched off – I should have looked into the papers … As I told MsScarlet, there is no number. Go for XL’s solution – should get you rid of these terrible machines !

  5. Yes, it’s called “Cold Calling” and I wish it was illegal here! We have a national “Do Not Call” List that you can sign up for that has to be renewed every 3 or 5 years and there is no reminder other than the sudden influx of sales calls. Sometimes I have answered to hear someone from India talking to their coworker in the background and not realizing that a real person has picked up. I was angry once I shrieked really loud that made the woman scream in surprise and then I hung up. She did not call back. Some of the “charities” that call (who are ridiculously exempt from the “Do not call” list) can be quite aggressive in trying to get you to give them money.

    They ask you stupid questions like “Don’t you care about women dying of breast cancer? Children starving to death? etc. Depending on my mood I’ll either say, “No, I’m a cold heartless bitch, Goodbye.” or “Do you volunteer to make these calls? (Answer usually “No”) “Oh, and how much do you donate to the cause?” They usually get defensive or hang up because they don’t, they’re just contracted to call out on behalf of the charity.


  6. If the call is from another country, the number doesn’t show up on my phone. I’m on the Call Preference (ie not to get cold calls) list but that only helps if the company takes any notice. But those calls don’t normally take place in the middle of the night. A shrill whistle blast down the phone is a good option.

    Once years ago, we had a crossed line – I picked up the phone and two people were chatting. I interrupted to tell them their call wasn’t private, and please could they hang up and phone again, so that I could use my phone? They refused, quite rudely. So, a few minutes later when they were still talking, I turned the radio on to loud music and left it by the phone. They got the message. But at least they weren’t malicious.

  7. HA – this is fine Handy LX ! Should pull the teeth of even a hard-boiled telemarketeer. But I’ll go with the SIT and get rid of the machines. So in a way we have to defend our homes against the robots now.
    The big auto producers now built rolling computers running on google.

    Exactly – the timing, Z : I think the normal run-of-the-mill-call-centre will not call the target area in the middle of the night, when the chance to reach happy go lucky customers is zero. All they’d get are bomb threats and a very upset customer, whose chances to sell his product there were successfully annihilated. Counterproductive and unprofessional, new management as soon as possible.

    Yeah Foam this reminds me that I once had found a site with sound clips from star trek ; I used some for system sounds, together with the “jungle”-theme. Sadly both are gone with the computer. I tried to find that site again, but to no avail, and also found no possibility to copy the old sound-theme : I liked the chirping, interrupted from a technical woosh, when an email came in. And if something went wrong, Mr. Worf said that it’d be a nice day to die – what do Where-does-he-come-from?-ians know ?

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