19725

Long & boring mid-life-crisis-blah ahead. Better skip it, there’s not even (slightly) interesting music in the links.

*

Not the best of ideas to crawl through youtube with a line of text in one’s head, like “Why don’t you take a good look at yourself and describe what you see, and Baby do you like it?”
I heard variations of it in my head, but it always was Mr Plant calling at me, and finally I identified it as a line from Led Zeppelin’s Misty Mountain Hop. “There you sit, sitting spare like a book on a shelf rustin’ / Ah, not trying to fight it.”
Exactly.
I looked into a mirror, and tried to describe what I see. It is not flattering. Maybe all this greyish non-colour is just a trick of the lightning ? The thinning hair – there is no real translation for the German word schütter that sadly describes it all too good ; the wrinkles under the nose and around the mouth, hewed in with a dull axe – thankfully glasses hide the bags under the eyes.
No, I do not like it.
“Misty Mountains” – ah ja, Flucht, escape. As if there would be a possibility to hide.
Why not go ? EH ?!

For the first time, since a very long gone & unhappy day, I feel alone. Not lonely – there are people, who are near me and to whom I am allowed to be near, people in whose life I am a part, perhaps even an important one – but a daily phone call is not the same like jump into the elevator, walk into the kitchen, cook a meal, spend an evening, living together.
Over time, over the year, über’s Jahr, I will move too. I do not want to stay alone here. Feeling left behind.
So I check websites for jobs in the area, for rooms to rent, try to imagine an other existence in a different place. Why not live in a village, work in the administration there ? What do I want ? What do I need ? What can I afford ?
All I know is that Led Zeppelin’s music does not help me here. I watched interviews with Jimmie Page, and all I could think is : Gosh, darling, you are old and frail – quit it, please. I then trundled to tapes with Waddy Wachtel, and Keith’s X-Pensive Winos – all old white dudes, who hide their bellies behind long black t-shirts, and play music from yesteryear. In Wachtel’s case at least with some furor that has to be admired.
So what has the tragedy of these men to do with me ?
The Stones, The Who, Gentle Giant, of course Steely Dan, achherrjemineh, all this was the soundtrack of my youth, and I wanted it to stay the soundtrack of my adult years. I stuck with this music, never developed a feeling towards Hip’n Hop, found Grunge laughable, like all what was pushed ever since, after Punk and NDW.
There is so much to discover in music – but I always returned to those noisy idiots from the late sixties to the early seventies, basically white dudes with guitars.

I always was too passive, I always allowed things to happen – what is basically not a bad feature – but I never found the “umpf” to make things happen. And that is not good, especially in the long run. Now I am in “the middle of my life”, what is nonsense – I am in my earl fifties, what means that I have, in the best case, another thirty years to live. I can not repeat what I have done, I can not go on repeating how I met situations in my life : I can not go on and react the usual way !
I have to change something. I can not keep on listening to old Stones records and assume it is going on this way, as it clearly never was – I must change.
A friend’s re-construction of life took a little bit more than two years. It was successful, hard and demanding, but successful. What teaches me (a) that such an enterprise is possible, with the correct amount of preparation, and a little luck of course. And (b) that the whole effort is worth it.
I do not want to end like Keith and other heroes of my youth, who seemingly endlessly repeat what they have started forty or more years ago. I can not stay in this dead-end job for the next – what ?! – twenty years ? I can not stay in this appartement that slowly kills me, until I finally succumb to the dust : At one point, not so far away, it will be down to “Breath” or “Books” – and I am not sure who’ll win.
But I know that I can lose.
And, as the last move showed me, I have not the power anymore, my body becomes weak.

Summa summarum : I have to collect my brains together, check out the area I wish to live in, search for a job there, and get rolling. And I have to get rid of old routines : I’m not Keith …

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22 thoughts on “19725

  1. When I was young I made decisions about where to live and what to do with less mental effort than I spent on getting a haircut. Now I can’t imagine expending the energy; I have settled in comfortably, like those old white guys who can remember being gods.

    Somehow this is not turning out the way I meant to. At its most central, if an apartment is making you unhappy, then yes, get a new one. You know I like decorating and the idea of a new blank page to start on is actually appealing. I just hope some of this can help make you happier.

  2. 19725? Wasn’t that a Tommy Tutone song from the 80s?

    Yes on points (a) and (b)! You will find a way.

    Disclaimer: I’m still happily stuck with the 60s music. Was rocking to Beach Boys music on TV today.

  3. I am stuck in the eighties. It is not so bad as in hindsight it was a changeable decade. I am also very fond of the nineties…. and actually the 2000 decade was okay….but the last ten years make me wince. I have moved around a lot. Sometimes I wish I could go back and not move around so much. The grass is always greener….
    Sx

  4. We had other priorities back then Mr Peenee. A haircut seemed to be for eternity.
    I am befuddling meself with the imagination of a pretty large appartement in an older building, preferably before WWI – high ceilings, small / slim windows, enough walls for shelves and some pictures, ach … conventional, but alluring.

    I have to google “Tommy Tutone”, sorry LẌ, no idea who this is. I just keep on counting.

    I remember well your adventure with “the letting agent from hell”, dearest Scarlet ! Ach, grass …

  5. I know what you mean about being passive. I am generally passive. It’s like being adrift on a boat. At times, it’s okay to just lie back and float along with the current, dragging one’s foot in the water and gaze dreamily at the clouds above. But sometimes we pass near alluring tropical islands full of promise. At those times, it may be worth our while to paddle like crazy before the islands disappear from sight. Go for it Mago. Be the captain of your boat. Bon voyage.

  6. Have you tried those hypnosis videos on YouTube they’re very good? After hearing Hypnosis for Clearing Subconscious Negativity those voices in my head telling me to kill, kill KILL have all but gone, I even smiled at a Pakistani baby in the supermarket the other day and the baby smiled back not to mention the beaming parents, it was totally out of my character. MJ would have been proud. Baba O’riley by The Who came through my ipod this morning, I had it on random play, I was on the exercise bike at the time and didn’t have the doofer that lets me control it close at hand, so I had to listen through the 50 sec intro. Time for another soothing session of hypnosis.

    Have you thought about getting a poodle for company?

  7. I am a bit older than you, being 6 months shy of 60. (How did that happen!?!?!) I’ve moved a lot. I have lived in 7 of the 10 Canadian provinces, and two states in the US. As I can attest, finding a better (for you) place to live should be on your list, and soon. Having a place you like and find relaxing, with good natural light, really does make life a bit nicer.

    Something else that really helps with one’s state of mind is exercise. I am not saying take up running marathons or the Tour de France, but regular (several times a week) brisk walking or cycling or even swimming, and light weight lifting, will go a long way to helping your state of mind (and body) get healthier. This, my friend, is a scientific fact.

    And if you don’t want a dog, perhaps a cat? They are good company. I am sure you could find one that is friendly and affectionate. Also, they make good little heaters in chilly weather. 😉

    Change IS hard work. But the results will be worth it. I think you should!!!

  8. LGS. This reminds me of a game Melanie once gave to us. One answered questions multiple choice, the answers were connected with a syllable. all together formed a Japanese sentence. According to this I am a lazy beggar on a slowly drifting boat – very fitting.
    And now you want me to row ?! Capt’n Bligh meets Ahab …

    But it’s “legendary”, dearest Mitzi. Nerve whacking, but “legendary”.
    A poodle ? No. Rottweiler, yes, but not poodle. “Don’t let the poodle bite me !” – that is what I have in my head now. It is somehow Zappa-related, but I can not remember how – perhaps “a friend” can help ?

    Is it a slogan shört or a plain black one Nikos ? If it is a slogan one, what is written over your manly chest ?

    Et Tu, Ponita ? LGS wants me to row to distant islands, now I shall lift weight ?! Call me Arnold ? Arnold Bligh, shaken, not sirred. Herrgott … But the idea to stuff little cats in my boots in winter time is alluring. *mwah*

    Glad to see that kitty ended not in Ozzy’s company LẌ

    Finally someone who does not condemn me to the galleys ! Thank you very much Vielleichtvomwindeverweht. And its great that you peep in now & then.

  9. THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Snap it!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Snap it!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Snap it!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Not a speck of cereal!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Nothing but the best for my dog!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Come on!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Come on, Frenchie)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Little paws sticking up!)
    THE POODLE BITES!
    (Little curly head!)
    THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
    (Little curly tail!)

    Dirty Love
    Frank Zappa

  10. Oh – I had totally forgotten about this, Dirty Love, Overnite Sensation. But it was not what I remembered, sorry creamcheese LẌ. And poking around I finally found Fido with the Rhinestone collar : Cheepnis, Roxy ‘n Elsewhere. There is also a version on YouCan’tDoThatOnStageAnymore, CD II, 1. Goodness – it’s like citing from the holy scripts …

  11. I’ve been posting a lot of stuff on my Facebook page about fighting ageism. Making excuses we can’t do something because we’re “too old”, or not investing in ourselves because of it. The worst part is when it affects the older job seeker because the hiring manger thinks young people are cheaper, older people might have health problem or decide to retire early. I see many examples of admirable baby boomers who say “Fuck it” I am a person, an individual, not a health condition. Here is some inspiration to get off you hintern and pull yourself together man.

    First some catharsis, don’t miss this link. The music is as great as the mesmerizing video.
    Turkish paper Marbling

    80-year-old reshapes China’s view on aging by becoming a model

    Let’s end Ageism

  12. If I had a spell or potion to make these life-changing choices and actions easier, I’d send it to you forthwith, Mago. I would also have taken it long ago…

    P.S. I somehow missed the previous Sunday Music but have just read this post while listening to “Cal’s Bluedo” by Carl Tjader. And I’m going to listen to it again. Thank you!

  13. I swear that your second comment only now came through Nikos. It was seemingly qualified as “pending” (for what ever reasons) and because I had to clear Melanie’s comment from the accusation of being spam I stumbled through this comment moderation and over your thoughtful remark. “γνῶθι” could be some nasty looking vegetable …

    Hands off my hintern Melanie !

    Sorry IDV, no magic potion tonight, I have to work tomorrow morning …

  14. I’m lost, sweetpea, but as far as age is concerned, I like the saying, “Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.”
    As to music, I listen to lots of different genres depending on my mood or the time of day! 😉 xoxox

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