mago

Rattle. No Roll

Yet. I am still a bit rattled.
If you follow my waffle here – for what I am thankful – you may remember that I took up a job as driver some moons ago. It is a job to pay the rent, really. That’s how it started, nowadays I would miss the boys if I’d get the chance to work in my profession again, but I’d do this without any question and hesitation. BTW I had a job interview two weeks ago, well, I’m still driving. But it was very nice to see that I am at least still eligible.
I do not write about the day job here, simply because it is just what it is, and because I do not want to be whining.
A driver drives, I do more than three thousand kilometers a month in the vehicle, a pretty large, white, diesel-powered passenger transporter fitted out for the special demands my passengers have. I drive on Bundesstraßen, A-roads, Landstraßen, B-roads, and narrow country lanes. I avoid autobahn, especially when my passengers are aboard. It is simply a risk I do not want to take.
On average it is all three months that a dangerous situation occurs – dangerous as in : A heavy impact is narrowly avoided – and every time this happened on slip roads or on motorway-style enlarged A-roads. On the country lanes everybody, with the notable exception of the dumb boy racer in his old testosterone-fulled BMW or Golf GTI, is careful, the professionals know what they can do with their vehicles. And if it takes ten minutes more, so what ?
The guy who tried to wipe out my codriver and me this evening on the other hand needs a special award.
I was on a motorway-style A-road in the fast lane (that is the left one on the continent). From the right a motorway exit slip feeds in, while to the left is a motorway access regulated by traffic signals. I was not particular fast, noticed a red car on the far right well ahead, my codriver was telling a story. Next I know is that the red car was basically vertically coming from the right, crossing over all lanes to reach the slip road to my left, I was in the process of t-boning him. Thankfully nothing was to my right while I pulled the vehicle over, heavy on the brakes, sliding on the mean trickle we had for the whole day.
While I was still rolling ahead & sorting my gears to stabilise my swaying bus the little piece of crap came back. It was seemingly not the gateway he liked, or the red lights did not match his seats, or maybe he just wanted to avoid ramming the car that was waiting at this damn traffic light, I do not know. All I know is that we had the same affaire again, this time from the left. He pulled in front of me less than a meter away while I was accelerating to control my vehicle and all of a sudden I thought that it would be a good idea to ram the basted to nirvana.
He drove a kind of cabriolet in red, I think it was Mercedes, and now he put the pedal to the metal and outpaced me easily. I realised that he lifted the foot when I came closer. Some hundred meters ahead to the right is a parking slot, and all of a sudden he pulled sharply to the right over the slow lane and the exit into said parking area, of course without indicator or any shown regard he rammed the car in there, still sliding with locking wheels when I thundered by. Following in would have meant a serious disaster with an unavoidable collision. I only hope he ran his car into the mud and ripped the suspension out.
All this took less time to happen than it takes you to read this, I am pretty sure it was less than ten seconds : No time to think & reflect, just action.
My vehicle took it easy, afterwards she was revving freely doing hundred km/h without any effort at 1600 rpm. Smart thing – I want to thank FORD for building a reliable and stable vehicle that one can throw around over three lanes like a wet towel without any damage done to suspension, brakes, or wheels : After more than hundred thousand kilometers, or sixty thousand miles, of heavy duty – well done !
Oh yes, thanks to the unknown driver in red, adrenalin is good, keeps the veins free from stuff. See you in three months again, bloody moron.

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18 thoughts on “Rattle. No Roll

  1. Hello Tim – Mr Large, I presume ?
    Sometimes when I look at what actually happens on the roads I wonder why there are not many more people hurt ? It is nowadays a usual occurrence that someone drives at you, towards me, that is the oncoming traffic, gently or not so gently leaving the lane so that I have to honk to make them correct their collision course, and when passing I see that damn & unavoidable iphone in their hands.
    Even worse are people who drive expensive cars and hold a phone in their hands – it is even in my banger easily possible to connect a simple & basic phone to the inbuilt communication unit – one does not need to hold that thing in one’s hand ! And if one can not afford a holder, two lousy pieces of velcro & tape do the trick.
    The sad thing is that the country lanes I drive are littered with crosses. Little wooden crosses, little iron crosses with an image, every now and then a candle lit. On one stretch through a wood, a very idyllic road btw, I counted five. One new added last year, I saw the car. The juvenile idiot, he may rest in peace, killed “only” himself. And when one looks at the memento, his family too.

    I try my very best MsScarlet, seriously, I try. But even the most forward-looking and defensive driver is not beyond an onslaught of idiocy – be it the driver’s, or an other road traffic participant’s. And if a forty-ton-truck tanks through my vehicle it’s all am Arsch anyway.

  2. Gut Gott! That was scary just reading it!

    I always keep an eye out for any BMW, two-door Audi, two-door Mercedes, Corvette, Prius, two-door Lexus, or any minivan. All likely to be being driven too fast/slow under marginal control.

    Let’s be careful out there.

  3. Thank goodness your excellent driving skills and experience saved you and your passengers from a serious accident. Well done. Congrats on keeping cool in a dangerous situation. I hope that idiot driver is kept off the roads, or at least far from where he can harm others. Your guardian angels were looking our for y’all today. I’m glad to hear that y’all are safe.

  4. Oh those “Prius” – just rolling obstacles ! These damn things are dangerous – you come around a bend on an open road and all of a sudden such an ugly glop of metal is standing in front of you, moving like a glacier. And when one finally overtakes an angry climate saver gesticulates and yells – incredible LẌ, incredible.
    Lexus and pickups are not seen here, Corvette rarely. I’d like to have the Vette’s powertrain in a limousine, what automatically leads to the CT6.

    My “driving skills” are limited Eros, I can drive in a straight line, to the left & to the right, and that’s about it. Yes, you are right, one or another angel just peeped in …

    Thank you Norma !

  5. Texting, or generally using that oh-so-smart-phone is a pest, really. It happens nearly every day that someone drives much too close towards my vehicle, distracted by such a damn thing. I do not mind when they ram me & my codriver off the road, but it is totally different when I have five disabled kids aboard.
    Thank you Mistress, no worries, I plan to stay as long as possible. Everyone has his personal tactics to get on, an occasional candle for [St.] Christophorus is mine.

  6. Blimey! That little dance is something one can do without with a vehicle full of children – or even without the children. I’m very happy to hear that you manoeuvred out of harms way – twice! The driver in red is quite clearly a pillock.

    On my journey to and from work, I mostly have to contend with the glacial and the oblivious. North Norfolk is notorious for it’s country lanes, and the few winding, enclosed A-Roads that we “enjoy” are almost free of any safe places to overtake, so most journeys take far longer than they need to. However, if one just goes with the flow, these journeys are relaxing and stress-free, not to mention quite fuel efficient!

  7. Hope the ferret bite where it hurts Nikos !

    “Pillock” is an interesting word IDV, thank you for showing it to me. I used some not so nice words.
    Don’t get me wrong, please, I happily go with the flow, even when the flow is slower than it would need to be. But the frozen Prius is really something of a problem – simply because they even are much much slower than the flow. Then it becomes ridiculous – and dangerous in the morning rush, when all the people from the villages need to reach their places of work etc. So they overtake, take risks, and things become uncomfortable. It has a reason that there is a minimum speed – or at least an obligation not to drive too slow – in the traffic regulations.

  8. Z says:

    A driver lost control of her car and right-angled in front of my sister’s; so close that the rubber of her car tyres scraped across my sister’s car’s bumper. Both cars were otherwise undamaged. It was astonishingly appalling driving and incredibly good luck. The woman just sat in her car afterwards, didn’t get out to check everyone was okay. A teenage girl was with her, presumably her daughter. My sister could only assume they’d been quarrelling.

    Pillock is one of the best words in English. Both contemptuous and completely inoffensive, a pleasure to say and nicely understated.

    I hope you find your ideal job soon. But you’re doing a good one now.

  9. I’m glad you and your passengers all arrived safely to your destination! I always go on field trips with my son’s class that involve taking the bus on the freeway to get to and from a destination. These school buses have no seat belts and there are so many stupid aggressive drivers around here. I go with a backpack that has my disaster medical supplies in it. These young kids can’t afford to lose the same amount of blood that you and I can.

  10. No belts ?! For GOd’s sake, why no belts ? Even the severely brain-damaged twelve year old who sits two seats behind me is able to use a safety belt. In the case of an impact they fly around the inside like, well un-secured kids. I do not think that this is acceptable. There is in some respect too much “health & safety” nowadays, some things border or step up to the ridiculous, but going on a freeway – after all an autobahn like road – with a bus full of kids who are not belted in their seats is no good. This is a disaster waiting, Melanie.

  11. Yes, they came up with all sorts of reasons why it was better not to have seatbelts on buses, then a prestigious study was done that said, “Actually, the kids would be safer if we put belts on the buses.” Now they say, “Well sorry, we don’t have the money to do that.” Grr.

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