Ride’n Burp

“When you stand in front of the entrance, go to the right corner, and then to the second window – knock there. Come at 12:00.”
I stood, went, and knocked.
“We need that plastic card, thank you. Wait here. You will be called. Then go two windows down. Yeah, we do it McDonnel’s style here.”
I took my plastic card back, waited, and after a few minutes I heard the typical sound of a plastic shutter being pulled up. A window was opened. The lady inside gesticulated at me, “please move up”.
“Ah Herr Mago. Please take off the mask.” “Where will you insert the thing – nose or mouth ?” “Just mouth – open wide please. Yes, it needs to twitch – it twitched, thank you. Results tomorrow, phone in in the late morning, please.” “Thank you, doctor.”
In the eighties the “test you definitely want to fail” was the AIDS test. In these days it is the test for corona virus – I definitely do not want to carry that thing around. And because a) last week (I think) our father of the country (and possibly next chancellor) said that any Bavarian (Franconians included) shall have the possibility to test for the virus, because b) it is free & payed for by the health insurance, finally because c) I felt pretty lousy over the weekend and was nagged & pushed all of a sudden became responsible and grown up, I phoned my GP yesterday and asked.
I definitely do not want to be a “spreader”.


Yesterday’s drive had it all. In the morning I noticed that in the first village I have to visit, preparations for some kind of roadworks were made. I asked the mother of the boy I pick up there about this. She said that nobody knows something for sure ; it may start end of the month. But she could show me the detour in the afternoon – a bit difficult to explain with all those small roads. She would drive in front of me, I just need to follow. I accepted.
They started their works Monday midday, guerrilla tactics perhaps, because in the late afternoon, when I deliver my kids back to home, all had changed. They did not dig an innocent hole in the road, far from it – they started in the middle of the village and from there ripped out the tarmac for at least three kilometers outside the settlement, of course exactly the road I regularily have to use. So in the afternoon I needed someone to show me the way.
I already had gone lost in the Suebian wilderness some months ago (while I had the nazi trulla with me) caused by another detour, they simply had forgotten (or not cared to) to put up enough signs : I ended up nowhere & it took me ages to find my way back.
But this time I just needed to follow a little red car, driven by an experienced rally driver. And while I tried not to ditch the vehicle, and avoided collisions with enthusiastic local rally talents, all of a sudden my co-driver said, with a little panic in her voice, that I should stop. Now. Because the little boy behind me was acting strange.
I could not stop, because I had to follow the little red dot on the horizon. I stopped when we reached civilisation again, turned around in my seat, and saw the boy staring into the big nothing, some distant galaxy to his left, upwards. No reactions. I thought he had a kind of bout, I saw this before – and I have to confess that it made me angry at first. Because this is an important information I need to know about a kid, and – as I may already have mentioned here – we need to have emergency medication and, most important, clear instructions. This boy is earmarked as not in danger of seizures of any kind.
By this time my co-driver nearly freaked out, she never had wittnessed something like that before, interestingly despite the fact that she has many more years of practice in this job than me.
I got out, opened the slide door, and looked at him trying to come to a decision. All of a sudden he let out a giant burp, and some small amount of yellow matter fell on his t-shirt. He turned to his right, looked at me & said “Heimi” – yeah, darling home we go !
I knew that we were close to his home, so when he showed reactions I deceided to head to his place (and not to call emergency service) ; I put some local rally talents to shame in doing so.
When we arrived he was talking, or better : reacting again, and uncoordinated in his movements. When I had taken him over at the institution, he had been his usual bubbly self. Just with wet hands. His absence had lasted for approximately six or seven minutes. When he finally stood in his parent’s driveway, at his father’s hand, he was not able to keep posture.
It took me a little until the penny dropped : Do you want to suggest something ?

13 thoughts on “Ride’n Burp

  1. Did the father say anything? Hopefully a “Thank you”? I am also glad the boy is okay. I agree with Scarlet, what a week you have had and it has only just begun! I hope the rest of the week will be kind to you!

    Today I explained the word “shyster” to my son after using it. The word has an interesting origin. It is German-American slang for “shit talker” (a person who talks shit, usually a lawyer or used Car Salesman) derived from the German word Scheisser [Scheißer]. I know less than ten German words, but this is probably the one I use the most, sometimes I say “bitte”. No one has ever accused me of being a proper lady. Ha ha ha ha May you be free of Shysters this week!

  2. I am glad to announce that according to yesterday’s test I do not carry the actual corona virus around.

    Thank you MsScarlet, all is well.

    I know only Flywheel, Shyster, and Flywheel, they were lawyers (in LA I think), dearest Melanie. I think they later associated with Grab’n Run.

    No suggestions why the little boy acted so strange and out of nature ? I gave an obvious hint …

  3. I think I’d rather clean up piss than shit :)

    Glad you’re C-, now as long as you stay out of trouble you should be OK. I’d rather have Merkel leading us through this than the idiot we have. His own experience of the virus has taught him nothing.

  4. Maybe he just had wind. My old dog used to gaze into the middle distance with a pained expression on his face until he could manage to bile up.
    Wet hands though???

  5. You gazed into the right direction MsScarlet, but you did not go farther down the time line.

    What happened to my little passenger ?
    His usually bubbly self had turned into something very different : He fell silent, stared, and did not react to my co-driver’s tries to communicate with him.
    When he came back, he threw up something yellow – bile ?
    He finally could not stand, when I had him out of the vehicle and in his father’s driveway.
    Does this ring a bell ? Glotz, kotz, torkel in German could be translated as gawp, barf, totter. Sounds like alcohol – cheerio !
    While I am not allowed to tranquilise my passengers with alc or other sedatives, where would this come from ?
    As You may know, we live through a pandemic. And everything gets disinfected manically – surfaces for example, hands and stuff … thankfully what is used for hand disinfection is usually stuff that comes from the distillery, 90%+ drinking alcohol before it is cut to consumable levels – not the industrial hooch that contains methyl and makes people blind and rum-dumb.
    When I took him in, his hands were dripping wet from disinfectant alcohol – I could have ripped my arse off when I understood what happened, standing in his father’s driveway.
    My boy had his hands full of hard liquor, licked it off his hands, and when we came home he was litterally fall-down-drunk.
    They were simply over-enthusiastic (or a bit too lax) at the gate this afternoon. In the next morning I had a stern conversation with the lady responsible for my tour, since then they changed their routine. And to her defence, she understood very fast what happened and I saw the colour of her face change. What can go “bonk”, will go bonk – sooner or later.

    Sadly my ability to construct a story, hint included, is obviously worse than I thought. And I even did not try my hands on a red herring, oh dear …

  6. Wow! I would have not guessed!

    I must confess my pandemic indulgence of late has been to take up my own alcohol consumption, though being simple and slightly old-fashioned, I’ve been serving up rum and coke with a twist of lime. (“Cuba Libre” (Free Cuba) as the old bartenders would know it. The young ones would have glazed eyes regarding the history and nuances of this rebellious drink. Think of it in the context of the movie Casablanca. I’m glad the kid will have to abstain from his new fascination with hand sanitizing moonshine.

  7. Could have been even worse, that’s right MsScarlet

    I would like to get my fill of Rum and CocaaCola (“working for the Yankee dollar” – I think the best know version is by the Andrew Sisters ?) at the bar of Meyer Lansky’s hotel in Habanna shortly before el commandante and the gang trundle in … the building should still be standing and in use.

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