A Stupid Bunch Of Memories

This is exactly what I am.
It’s grey. Even now, with darkness already fallen, it is grey outside. I feel trapped in a long, endless Sunday afternoon, cold, drizzling, grey.
When I was a kid, we used to play cards, Rommé, drank a glas of wine (terrible cheap red stomachkiller, or white sparkling stuff that today is not sold anymore), smoked cigarettes (mother used her Peer 100, while father did Lord ; I, of course, smoked the manly Camel), and we listened to the Bavarian radio Sunday afternoon program Sonntagsbeilage. They are dead now, I am stuck with memories.
It is grey, and day & night seem to blur in one. This Sunday afternoon started sometime last week, and lasts. Night is when I am tired and can’t sleep ; when I get up, and look out into a very light grey, no matter whether it is three in the morning or close to six. Days bring either rain, snow & rain, or something snowish that, naturally, will not last. It is not really cold, that would be a relieve, it is cold wetness that hurts.
When I go to the supermarket, I usually meet only one or two people who walk their dogs. It is very silent around here, misguided birds now & then start much too early spring songs. Winter is not over yet, there will be a back lash.
Some memories are nice, some are not. When I can not sleep, sooner or later I will remember things I would rather like to forget – situations when I simply failed, did something wrong, did not get it … you get the idea. Sometimes I think, it would be good to have memories erased, smply struck out, I know this does not work. I can only hope that this circle is broken one time, forgeting is relieve.
silence. hope, even. peace
Few things survive
lomg distance among them
I hope

6 thoughts on “A Stupid Bunch Of Memories

  1. Good morning. I am regularly up at 5am. 4.45am this morning. I try not to blog because I wouldn’t want to wake up any of my blog friends with the sound of a notification, but as you are already awake I will comment.
    It is still black outside, but soon my windows will be lightened by cold grey mizzle. I am so tired of the repetitiveness of it. You are not alone. I am also taunted by the memories – sweet, sour, and sometimes bitter. What can we do? Sometimes I just look at shoes and think of the day when I might need them.

  2. Shoes, suits, a promise of things to come. I am still awake, a leftover from last night.
    The grey is still there. Excuse me please MsScarlet, I go to bed now.

  3. Would it help to know that you’re not alone in your grey and murky thoughts? I wallow in those thoughts for a few minutes. Then, I pretend the thoughts are playing on a recording, and I press the “stop” button. On my imaginary recording apparatus, I put on a new recording, press “play” and I think more pleasant thoughts. This doesn’t work every time but I find it useful.

  4. I’m feeling the same here. Our winters are dark and rainy and this is the time of year when it really starts to get to me. I’m suffocating between the walls and the incessant rain. Our last proper vacation was in July 2019 where we explored the Northern tip of Vancouver island. They have wonderful trees there and we didn’t make it to the ‘the Grove of the Ancients’, but I did meet a wonderfully large and interesting blind Raven. A seer among his kind. I should like to visit him again and meet the ancient trees.

    My downspouts are clogged and the roof has become a duck pond. I’m well aware that one should not keep a duck pond on their roof, so it’s yet another thing that must be dealt with.

  5. Whenever I can’t sleep, I lie flat on my back and stare up at the ceiling and pretend that I’m on my death bed, which always ends in me saying out loud “Oh Mitzi, how could you?” and my face begins to glow like a Belisha beacon remembering my past exploits, which to me is far better than lamenting “Oh Mitzi, why didn’t you!”

  6. Hello fellow wallower ! I worked over the last few nights on herding all those dark things together and bring them into a kind of shag with a very large safety lock. So far I managed to shepherd a lot of them in, I hope they will stay there for a while. Sadly the record playing apparatus does not work for me, thank you for the recommendation Mistress. As I described, for me it’s more like monster hunting.

    Oh dear – ducks on the roof ! I hope you can dry out the oekosystem before it becomes “Earth II “.
    It’s ages since I visited a real old tree. I should do this, Melanie.

    Now I’m lealous Mitzi

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